STOP BREATHING! You're fogging my window...

Since I failed to grab my iPod this morning, I was forced to sit and think for about 30-45 minutes on the bus.

Normally, this would scare me. I tend to think of things that bring out the worst in me.

But today, I thought of a few interesting things.

1. Do you remember when having a backpack with your favorite cartoon character was the “bomb-shiz”? I do… Though, I never had a backpack with Zaboomafu on the back. I can recall two that I’ve had in the past.

The first one I remember was kind of a dark, war-ish, green. “FRANCES” was written on the back in orange marker with dots on every point or corner.

Like this…

Why this picture is sideways is beyond me. I tried to fix it, but I failed…

And yes. I do keep paper by me at all times while I’m on the computer. I like to take notes on ways to improve my blog or something… And I’m never together, psh!

Anyway. That was my first backpack. I still have it. It’s in my loft, probably under the bean bag.

The second backpack I remember was black. It was a one strap, over the shoulder bag. I liked it. Though, I never wore it right and it threw off my shoulder; which, with time, went back to normal. I also had a lot of key chains on this one.

I don’t remember what I did with this bag, nor do I care. My green one has more memories to be be cherished.

2. I’ve never been so ashamed of my general generation (K-12 today).

I’m referring more to the younger kids. It’s to be understandable that they don’t fully understand or have to fully respect everything like older, more mature people do.

But would it kill you to leave your shirt ON when you get off the bus? Please? Nobody wants to see you jiggle in the rain whilst twirling your shirt around your head like a poorly paid stripper.

COME ON! I was young once too, but NEVER did I even consider to stoop so low. It’s not funny. It’s stupid.

Also, don’t assume a “Auburn fan died and the lights are flashing on the ambulance and they are doing it for his memory”. Really?

Grow up.

I did some research because I was curious as to what it meant and if there had been, in fact, a death.

From the little I cared to read, I’ve come to the conclusion that it wasn’t critical, they forgot to turn them off, or they were trying to keep the passengers blood pressure from spiking.

On the bright side, I learned something new.

3. A saxophone would beat a drum if there were to be a battle of instruments.

Juan and I argued this for the past 24 hours. He claims his drums would melt my saxophone once the drum consumed the sax.

It goes on and on… I still think a saxophone would win…

More than color?

They say the eyes are the window into the soul.

Every countless time I've heard this, I always felt the need to look for a mirror to see what everybody sees through my eyes.

Normally, I can't see past the color...

Sometimes I think I see things when I look through other people's eyes. Maybe it's just a self conscious thing my mind does to put me down. Like I have no soul.

I've been thinking terribly deep for someone with such a dull personality.

What do you see when you look in my eyes? I'm curious to know...

Homecoming confession.

This week is Homecoming.

Just the thought makes my head scream in agony.

I've never liked this time of year...

Never.

Even as an innocent 8th grader, I never cared for it.

Now, I have my reasons.

I'm not saying I don't have school spirit; though, I'm seriously lacking it.

But is it really a crime just to say "No, I don't want anything to do with this."

I guess it's just the stress.

Being in band, I need to worry about memorizing music and another place on the field that I will never have to think about again.

That should give me comfort, but it doesn't.

What if I screw up that ONE thing I need to do?

Eh.

No big deal, right?

WRONG.

It would haunt me for the rest of the year. I still have awful visions of the last two years.

I failed both times to memorize my music and it was just for the simple miracle of follow the leader did I ever find my place on the field.

As if I don't have to put up with enough on a regular week.

Let's get this straight.

I don't like pep rallies.

I've come to realize I don't enjoy being in a hot gym surrounded by overjoyed, loud teenagers.

There is no possible way I can blame them for being pumped for a game, but I don't like unnecessary noise.

It aggravates me on a level I can not explain. It's just kind of part of who I am. The funny thing about is is that I love my music loud, but there's something about random yelling and whistles that just rubs me the wrong way.

It's like a little blue monster gnawing on my brain. It's uncomfortable.

I seriously am considering hiding in the bathroom this Friday.

Like anybody would notice.

Ha.

Secondly, I see no point in a 'Homecoming Court'.

What exactly do they do after? I've never heard anything about them beyond the night they get crowned and what not...

Personally, I think it's just a popularity contest.

Again, I choose to take no part in the voting or anything.

My ideal Homecoming would be of something a little different.

Change the themes. It's gotten old using the same ones every year. I am only a Sophomore, but c'mon. I'M bored of them.

Now, I'm a lazy bum. If I were to choose an IDEAL theme, it would be PJ week. I would participate EVERY day.

While I'm on the topic of themes, let me tell you WHY the ones they have chosen have gotten boring.

Monday was camo day. Original or not, you decide. But that's nothing extreme. There is no rule against not wearing camo to school. I've seen kids wear full out head to toe hunting camo gear crap and it's perfectly OK. There is nothing special about it.

Tuesday, or today, was 80's, mix and match, and crazy hair day. I went to school in just normal 'I-don't-really-give-a-crap' outfit... When I saw everybody in the hall, I felt I needed to take a trip to the ER for hallucinating. I saw somebody with a mullet and a LOT of colors. Just... odd. Now, it's WAY better than camo, but this theme has been used every year since I've been in 7th grade. Be a little more original.

Tomorrow is rock star day, but there are too many restrictions to really make it fun. Jesse and Aaron were planning on coming to school with their faces painted like Kiss, but NO. Somebody must have been listening to the conversations and just had to crush the dreams of young children. Also, why would you refuse to let the students to spike their hair? We were allowed to do it in the past and I don't remember it ever really being a problem. Besides, it's just ONE day.

Thursday is class shirt day. Boring. I think it's like setting the school into cliques. Like, I KNOW all the different colors won't merge. They will all float around the halls together like multiple rainbow-colored tumors. I try to associate myself with people at all different classes, but I'd be intimidated if I wasn't wearing the same color shirt. For a day I'll be part of the small tumor that kind of just floats around the veins of the school being my boring self.

And finally, Friday is red and white day. This kind of has the same tiredness as camo day. We can wear red and white any day. Just because we will look like red and white blood cells (I really need to stop listening to Mrs. Johnson...) doesn't mean a thing. At least not to me. Supposedly, red is the color of a killer. That may be why the school chose it, but I was reading a book and the students were restricted from wearing red because the staff was afraid that they were part of a gang or something that would attempt to kill them all... Dumb, yes. But some kid was killed because of a red ribbon she wore.

Completely off topic.

I just wish it could be mixed up a little more.

(COUGH COUGH PJ'S COUGH COUGH)

Or what about Hawaiian day? Nothing says "partay" like a large, sweaty guy in a hula skirt...

Maybe a ninja day? That would be fun to dress in black sweats and run around the school hallway like nobody can see you while randomly stabbing somebody with your pencil... Just a thought.

Or a stereotype change. The band dresses like their idea of football players, the cheerleaders can dress in their idea of a the band, the football players can dress like nerds, the average students dress as who they please. You know, just kind of a world gone upside down. It would give students a chance to laugh at themselves.

I would have a blast if there were a game day... Like we can dress as our favorite video game character. I would be Pac Man. Just saying....

I know these ideas are rather... sad, but they were just something I came up with on the spot.

Another thing I would do to make Homecoming a little more pleasant would be if we were given more time to prepare.

This is the band side of me talking. I don't have the time to sit down and memorize music. It's a hassle for me to bring my horn home. It's anything but convenient to throw a sheet of music at me 3 days before I need to know it. I'm at the band room from 3-5 after school on Tuesday and Thursday and I try to take Wednesday as a unwind/catch up on homework kind of day. It's part of what keeps me partially sane.

Right now, I stand somewhere between I don't want to quit band, but I don't want to participate when I need to. I'd rather be sleeping with my fluffy pillow and fuzzy comfort blanket than standing outside in the heat trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. It's just frustrating. It has gotten better, though.

Anyway, I just wish I could request the weekend before the Monday of Homecoming to memorize the music. I could do it on my own time and I would still have my time of solitude.

Now, like I said, I'm only a Sophomore. I don't know what Homecoming means to the Seniors. Maybe it means the world to them or maybe they could care less. Maybe you should let them be more involved in what gets to be done. After all, it is their last year. Why not give them the opportunity to express what they want to do? I would take advantage of that two years from now.

Yes, I'm referring to the PJ's.

As for the Spirit Olympics, (A 'sporting' event where all the classes compete against each other in some... weird competitions) I feel obligated to say that I think it the ones in the past have been poorly planed. That's all I can say on the subject.

Another band thing- the parade Thursday. I don't mind this one as much as the crowning thing Friday. There are way worse things than marching around the school for about 20-ish minutes. I just think too much while it goes on. I wonder if those watching notice when I mess up and what not. Just something I over think, I suppose.

The floats just kind of... irk me. Every class does it's own float. I've never participated on any of the ones in the past. If I do ever work on one, It'll be the class of 2013's senior float. Even then, I wouldn't want to take a big part. It would just be a guilt thing that I'd be afraid would haunt me if I didn't take part in it at all.

ANYWAY.

Homecoming isn't a pleasant time for me.

Like Dusty said, there's more to it than just the football players, but I think it goes deeper than that. The themes, the small things people do to make it the best it can be that many people take for granted, and the noticeably poor work of others who play a large part.

It's like a conflict, almost, if you think about it.

We're fighting each other without even knowing it.

That's how I see it, anyway.

Think what you wish.

Teachers...

Teachers fill so many young minds with the things they need to help become what they want to be in the future.

They supply help and support.

There are always some giggles or great moments that will always be remembered in a class room.

Except one.

Every time I walk into this room, I feel as if my soul is drained of all energy and joy.

It's a trap this teacher sets every day. She takes joy out of our pain, I'm sure.

She laughs behind those creepily glazed, beady eyes.

We cower in fear when she slaps her hands like a retarded seal...

But laugh when she turns around.

Because it's really is quite funny.

Anyway....

I have yet to learn a thing in her class.

Not only that, I feel I'm failing it for the very fact she isn't teaching it.

It's like she's leaving it a mystery to be figured out on our free time.

I don't have any of that.

(As if I'm not wasting it typing this post...)

Everyday, after we endure an hour and a half rant, I run out to the hall.

Usually rolling my eyes and restraining myself from bashing my head to a bloody pulp against the nearest wall.

I see the same vision every day...

I see myself dropping out of high school.

Because of her.

I see myself working at McDonald's.

Because of her.

I see myself having no life.

Because of her.

I see myself pondering what went wrong in my sad little mobile home.

Because of her.

I'm put on medication.

Because of her.

I die alone.

Because of her.

Dear Teacher,

Congratulations. You have killed my mental image for the future.

Because you can't teach.

You should have stayed away from those drugs.

You're messed up.

You're murdering my brain.

Stop it.

Retire.

Die.

I don't care.

I have hope of a life before me.

Leave before you kill whatever little chance it has left.

...

Please?