Venting.

Well. It was bound to happen...

In the past week or so, I've finally come to realize I'm only really happy in two daily classes: Biology and Algebra 1. The four classes I'm required to take everyday would be, in order, Biology, History, Algebra 1, and band.

First, I'll explain why I enjoy my two honors classes this semester. I love them because they are the classes my undeniably true friends are in. I can turn around and say the most random thing and a conversation would bloom out of nowhere. There I feel comfortable, happy, welcome, and wanted.

Next, we will discuss history. I feel very out of place and uncomfortable here. The only 1 (or 2) person (or people) I thought I could hold a reasonably happy conversation and be myself around have turned on me. One will try to involve me in the conversation, but I don't like the others involved. They despise me as much as I detest them. (Note to those I'm referring to: Guess what; if you can't figure it out, our feeling of hatred is quite mutual.)

On another note, I care what others say. It bothers to me to the point I'll over think of it and just sit and cry. Pathetic, I know. Though, regardless of my feelings, I will NOT change for anyone. I am who I am and nobody can change that. I'm just so used to those around me not having negative feelings toward me. For one, usually when people don't like me just by my appearance they have the decency to just avoid me.

Very immature. I know.

As I currently write this (for the draft was written in 2nd block), they are carrying a conversation about the skate park. Blah.

Now for band. I used to always feel comfortable, loved, and happy. I love playing my horn and I enjoy the music we play. It proposes a challenge and it gives me pride and hope for my future.

Looking back now, I wasn't happy. I was simply going through the motions.

My love of music may not be enough to keep me in this particular class. I'm tired of looking on either side of me and seeing two backs. Conversations all around. I'm the shadow of the room. As Jesse would say, 'Its just depressing.'

Well... Even if I'm not happy, its not a for sure decision. I don't want to drop it, but we'll just have to see.

As for history; there's nothing I can do. I'll just have to wait (and hope) I'll get Mr. Bailey's class next year with all my friends..

Just 8 more weeks...