Friday

A lot has gone on since my last blog post.

I think the biggest thing that happened was on Friday.

I had KNOWN Friday was going to bite.

Like, I tried to talking to somebody about it to help make it better, or to at least make me feel better. Nothing was accomplished.

Nada.

Zip.

If anything, I felt worse. The guy I had talked to about it kind of dropped the subject like it was some form of deformed kitten with spider eyes.

I cried that night. It was terrible.

I woke up the next morning, still feeling like poo, but still managed to put on a happy face and went to school.

It wasn't too bad at all to begin with.

It was impossible to keep a straight face in Mrs. Monroe's class. Even Dalton couldn't help but laugh. It was great.

We did a lab second block, and it was rather nice. Madison was my partner. Our chemicals did exactly what they were supposed to do. Poor Toby and Jesse had to start over like... 3 times, that I recall... Not to be mean, but I found it funny. They weren't doing anything wrong, but Mrs. Johnson looked like she was about to have a duck. It was great.

Third block was pretty much the same as it has been everyday. Except we had to turn in our outside work. Thankfully, I had all of mine finished. Not well, but it was finished... 450 points for me!

Then it was band. *sigh* I don't understand why I always feel a sudden pressure on my mind and heart when I walk in there. Like, I suddenly feel small. Limited . Tiny. Insignificant. No matter HOW well may day may be going, it's always the same.

We went outside that day. To work on the show before the game that night. I swear, it's all a blur to me. I was angry. I was little. I was a little angry person inside a dumb, fat kid. It was a awful feeling.

Then we went inside for the pep rally. I wanted to cry. How is it the BORING part of the day was the most enjoyable for me, but when I get to the part that is supposed to be the most fun, I wanted to cry?

It was like my soul was slowly being crushed by all the bright, happy, and excited people.

HOW?!

But, it ended eventually. I left before announcements were given and I left the school so quickly, I boarded the bus with my neck strap on.

I felt like an IDIOT. I should have controlled myself in a more... reasonable manner.

While on the bus, the idea of skipping the football game bounced around in my mind. I then asked the consequences of doing so.

I really shouldn't have considered it. I should have just sucked it up, washed my face, and put on a fresh layer of make up.

But I didn't.

I took a shower to calm my nerves and called a friend.

I went outside and sat in the bed of the truck and cried as I listened to what they had to say. I was told things I would never would have guessed to be true, and still believe he made up the whole thing. But I would never tell him that...

Through all this, I was told to do what would make me happy.

I knew staying home would only make me feel guilty and would hurt my grade. I also knew I didn't want to go and suffer those hours of misery and just ruin the excitement of the first game for those around me.

I was planning on staying home, so I was completely unprepared. But when everybody else was getting in the car, I decided last minute that going to the game may be worth going to... It probably was the guilt doing the thinking at the time, but I ran inside and grabbed black socks and my shoes.

I forgot a lot of other things though. (i.e. deodorant, pony tail holder, extra change of clothes...)

But, I guess the important thing was that I went.

When I got to the school, I called the friend I called earlier to keep me company.

I went outside and sat next to the building so I could have service.

Nobody was coming, so I figured I could relax.

Then Ivy showed up and she dragged me to the bathroom where she loaned me some deodorant and talked with me.

It was really very nice what she did. And I'm glad she did it.

After she was all ready, she thought it would be a good idea to run on over to the Sardis Market and pick up some drinks.

I didn't think twice upon saying yes. I wanted out.

So we left.

I'm glad I did. It may be something many of those frown upon, leaving the band room when we really need to be getting ready, but I didn't care.

Strange. I've always cared what people have thought of me, and I still do, but this was different.

We walked all the way down to the gas station and got our drinks.

We semi-ran back to the band room, but we were also late.

Everybody was already sitting down and Mr. Whitmire was already giving a "pep talk".

And the looks were of pure hate. Like we were not welcome there.

Nobody said anything, but I could just hear what they were thinking.

Some of the things I could see them thinking were not something I'm willing to post to my blog.

But like I said. I'm GLAD I did it.

Now that I think about it, it gave me a feeling that band doesn't control my life. I do. They couldn't tell me that I couldn't go for a walk.

Though, I will never forget those looks of hate...

While Mr. Whitmire was talking, Ivy and I got our uniforms on and our instruments together.

I went through a internal panic attack when I couldn't find my flip folder and remembered I fled my house without my liar.

This brought feelings of dread. At this point, I had WISHED I stayed home.

Then I was then told Jacob got it out of my cubby and put his extra liar with it...

It calmed me down enough to where I didn't just leave.

We then went to the stands. I was feeling rather bad because of where the section leader had put me. I was worried I was going to ruin his and the other guy's time.

I tried to stay quiet and unnoticed. Just kind of let the events go to where they normally would if I wasn't there.

But, when we left for half time, things (to me) just got stressful. Daniel was yelling, I didn't at all know what I was doing. I couldn't remember my music NOR my sets. But somehow, I ended up around where I was supposed to be.

Now, I'm going to admit and be completely honest, I did terribly. I played the wrong notes, I was constantly out of step, and for the life of me I couldn't think straight.

But after half time, things calmed down. I got around some people I really enjoy being around and I laughed and had a good time.

We went back in the stands and I felt more involved. It was nice.

After the game, I went to the dance. Only because David had promised he would go with me the next time, and Anna wanted me there.

It was enjoyable.

I got a ride home with Dusty and I went to bed.

And slept.

ALL weekend.

Well deserved.

I guess... That's it?